Entrezen, juntando as partes • bringing the parts together

I am developing a collage project. Cutting and pasting, on paper and in life, making new compositions with pieces of what has gone before.

Entrezen has changed, now it has a little bit of everything I do. It was a long process that had the help of very dear people. But I am not going to talk here about the change you already see, but about my internal change to make this external change.

The pandemic affected everybody’s life and for my life and my plans it was a big shock. Last year my plans were also affected, but I had this idea that this year would be different, I would go back to the USA. But the story was not like that, and I had one more challenge that was to realize that being alone at the beach was not good for me. It was a dream I had of living there and doing zen activities in the house. But the reality was another thing, I was very lonely, I didn’t find my people. Besides, the increase in inflation and the cost of living in São Paulo hit with me. Last year my rent money covered expenses, but here and now the situation is not the same. 

I felt that my ground got out from under my feet and that I was seeing myself as two. Carol who left Brazil in 2013 and used to work in design and illustration and Engetsu who lived in the Zen Center in San Francisco. The things I did there are very different from the things I was doing here. I felt like a broken person, how to put the pieces together? In our world we have to specialize, find your niche and move on. I wasn’t feeling whole. And I found myself surrounded by my fears. Would I be able to handle it? Anyway, it wasn’t easy and I’m still going through it, little by little. The practice is not to not feel anymore, but to learn to stay with the arises, the easy and the hard, sweet and bitter. And I know it’s not just me, that we are all going through a challenging time. Anyway, let’s move on…

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